Year 11 English l Write a better sentence

Use the matrix to improve your work by showing or rewriting 6 out of the 12 options in your writing

The Very Short Sentence:

"I really am invisible!"

The Simple Sentence:

"I was as furious as a rhino"

The W-Start Sentence:

"When 3 hours had passed"

Red, White, and Blue:

"He invented something amazing, life-changing, and unbelievable"

The Adverb Start:

"Suddenly, the sound went really loud"

The -ING Start:

"Getting sick of those 2, I had trespassed them"

Year 11 English l Post Creative Writing Tasks

Spoiler alert!

The 6 tasks I have completed for my creative writing:

1. Make the character introductions memorable:

So for this, I wrote: "Hi, my name is Micheal Gavrilla, I've got ginger hair, I'm tall, I'm NZ European, I love watching movies, I'm great at maths, I was one of the smartest people in my maths class, I love chicken burgers, I like watching the news and I also work at Burger King."

2. Insert strong words:

Here are 3 examples of this:

1. "The only thing I hate is when these 2 mischievous school kids named Logan and Levi"
2. "I went back inside and pushed the shiny light blue button on the chip so I could be clearly visible again"
3. "He told me that he had invented some kind of complex device"

3. Replace weak words with stronger ones:

Here are 3 examples of this:

1. Before: "It was time to go home" After: "It was time to go to Darryl's small house on Postnet street"
2. Before: "I felt pain spread across my arm" After: ""I felt a sharp sting spread across my arm"
3. Before: "I got so excited about the chip..." After: "I got so hyped up about the chip..."

4. Deleting weak or unnecessary words:

Here are 3 examples of this:

1. Before: "Ronald Crump's polls were rising but I don't care much about politics so I just ignored it" After: "Ronald Crump's polls were rising but that's irrelevant so I just ignored it"
2. Before: "I don't have enough money to get my own house because I am a bit broke" After: "I don't have enough money to get my own house"
3. Before: "This made it so I was actually visible again" After: "This caused me to become visible again"

5. The 5 SENSES

Here are 3 examples of this:

Hear: "I started hearing a faint noise, the noise of someone speaking to me"
Smell: I get to smell the crisp, amazing burgers being made in the kitchen"
Feel: "I felt a sharp sting spreading across my arm and through my entire body"

6. Figurative Language for the Sense of Sight

Here are 3 examples of this:

Simile: "I was as furious as a rhino at this moment"
Personification: I don't think the drink machines would be feeling good about this right now"
Simile: "He seemed as confused as a cat trying to catch a laser